When your partner says "You are smothering me" or "You need to give me some space." or "I need some space." can leave you feeling disturbed, on the offense, or even scared. The first thing you may acknowledge to your partner is, "What do you mean you need more space, space for what?" It is a pretty typical response, maybe not the best, but when one is feeling threatened, knee jerk responses can come flowing out of our mouths at times.
First thing you need to do is breath, breath actually deep and think of what brought out the space statement. Was there anything being discussed at the time? Have you been smothering your partner? Then ask yourself the big question, "Do I trust my partner?" If there are trust issues in a relationship, more then likely space issues have arose. When there is lack of trust in a partner the other partner tends to smother the other partner, wanting to know what they are doing, when, with who, why, tag along everywhere they go, even to the extreme of spying on the other partner. If the space statement came from your partner and you have lack of trust in your partner the real issue that needs to be dealt with first is the trust. Until that is dealt with, you will never be comfortable giving your partner the space they are request for and more then likely the connection will fail.
[The Room And The Outer Part]
That is not the only scenario though where a partner may ask for space in a relationship. There are two more main reasons a partner may ask for space, one, they are using it for a suspect to take a break from the relationship, or 2) they are wanting emotional space. I am not going to get into the using "I need space" excuse for abandoning a relationship. Way too many factors can play into that scenario and would be an narrative of its own. however emotional space I will go into further.
Both parties in a connection need space to survive. Think of it like a plant, if you plant too many plants close together, they smother each other out and they die. They need room to grow and so do you and your partner. To have a salutary connection both parties need to have a sure number of emotional and corporal space from one another.
First off, let me by comparison emotional space for you. Every connection is emotional, no doubt. You should be able to share all with one other but if one person is the one doing all the sharing and expecting the other partner to do all the dealing with the others emotions, thoughts, feelings, problems, wants , and needs that is emotionally draining. Therefore, when one is request for emotional space they are basically drained from tending to your needs and their emotional needs are not being met.
There are four types of couples when it comes to the emotional aspect. See which kind you fall under and what you can do to give your partner the emotional space they are request of you.
1. One Partner Drains the Other of Emotional Space
There are two scenarios to this one, the emotionally greedy person, and the emotional connection needy person.
Emotionally Greedy
One partner is excessively needy, emotional, and possessive and often times demanding. They are emotionally greedy. The emotional needy person can appear to be a "me" oriented person who is demanding of the other partners' time and attentiveness insisting that their needs or wants be met first. The receiver will whether come to be drained from their emotional needs not being met or go elsewhere to get them met. You will see the receiver start to come to be distant or aloof of their partners needs. The emotional greedy person may have not all the time been as needy. discrete aspects of the connection may have created the excessive behavior or they may have all the time just been an emotionally needy person. At one time in the connection that may have been an attribute the partner liked about the other, giving the receiver the feeling that their partner truly needed them however along the way when only one person needs are being met it creates a lopsided connection that is headed for disaster.
Emotional Connection
On the other hand, if the person appearing emotionally needy is doing so to occupy the emotional space out of fear there will be no "real" connection if they don't may come to be drained themselves from feeling like they are the only one working on the relationship. This person is all the time request emotionally based questions, looking for confirmation of love and commitment, where the connection stands, request what the partner needs are and if they are being met and so on. The partner on the other hand will appear to have no needs and may even appear distant which can be the driving force for the emotionally needy person. This person is not so much a "me" person and more so a connection needy person. However, by working the connection so hard on only one end can generate dram in the connection with the receiver feeling they cannot get a break from the drama. It also shuts down any accountability of the receiver to have to do any work in the relationship.
2. Taking Turns Occupying Emotional Space
This connection appears to be emotionally equal in taking turns in occupying emotional space. A good portion of this is salutary for a connection as both at one point or other is expressing their emotional needs, wants, etc. It means both parties can communicate and at one time or other is participating in the relationship, however not simultaneously. This can make it hard for a couple to accomplish the closeness and connection they are seeking if it is all the time just one sides needs being met at a time.
3. Neither Partner Needs Or Takes Up Any Emotional Space
This type of connection actually works for some people. If you have never actually been an emotional needy person or have shut down the thought of even ever having your emotional needs met this can even be comfortable for some. In some relationships that have aged habitancy can come to be to feel that all their needs have been met for the most part, emotionally stop at this level, and do not bother fascinating further into each other's emotional lives. This does not mean the connection is at a doomed status, however if you want more of an emotional connection, take baby steps breaking back into the emotional water. You do not want to come off as emotionally greedy or connection needy. Start closing up some of the gaps. Instead of each of you in separate rooms watching a Tv agenda sit in the same room. When asked a examine stop giving just one word responses. Be a bit more open about your day rather then just responding with a simple one or two word response. However, keep in mind that your partner may be perfectly comfortable with the emotional length and conclude for yourself if you are okay living like that.
4. Emotionally Connected
The salutary balance of emotional needs are being met, both couples are actively complicated in each other's lives and emotional needs. They know when to give space, both corporal and emotionally and are comfortable in doing both. They do not burden whether with excessive needy behaviors and have equally as salutary relationships (friends and family) face of their coupled relationship. They are in tune with their partners emotional needs and know when and when not to intervene.
Emotional space and corporal space can very well coincide with one another, yet there are many aspects as you can see that do not. There needs to be a sure number of corporal space in a salutary relationship. In the emotional greedy or connection needy type that space is often lacking and in the emotional absent there can be sometimes too much corporal space. With everything, the key is a salutary balance. If you are having a hard time looking that salutary balance, you may want to speak with a consultant or a connection coach to help you work on your connection skills to accomplish that balance.
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